Celebration-of-Gratitude Party Eve – Day 29

Tomorrow my 30 Days of Gratitude culminates in our Celebration of Gratitude Party!

A month ago, to commemorate my good health on the 5-month anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis, I decided to participate in Kind Spring’s 21-Day Gratitude Challenge. On the morning of November 1^st, I realized I had more than 3 weeks of gratitude in me and chose to document a mindful gratitude daily until the end of the month.

Tomorrow marks the six-month anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. My family and I are reclaiming the day to celebrate those people in our community that supported us in the darkest days of last summer.

Our Celebration of Gratitude invitation reads:

We are grateful for YOU!

On May 30th, our family heard the words 'breast cancer' and we were flung into a unexpected whirlwind of fear & anxiety, not to mention more than a few doctors appointments! Before we even recognized what was happening, we were cradled in a web of positive thoughts, home cooked meals, constant calls, fragrant flowers and even an amazing garden project.

Six months later, we would like to celebrate life & happiness by honoring our amazing (bigger than we ever imagined!) community with good food & good humor. 

Whether you prepared a meal, amused our children, sent flowers, texted words of encouragement, emailed a ridiculously funny (albeit inappropriate for work!) video, dragged my recovering body on a 10K, wielded a shovel in the replanting of my front yard or sent uber positive vibes through etherspace, you were truly instrumental in supporting us. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Open House style - stop by for a drink, a chat or even just (especially just!) a hug.

~The Tinianov Family - Stacey, Brandon, Kendall & Riley

Nearly 100 people have RSVP’d and, once again, we are amazed. Since we married in a teeny ceremony just over fourteen years ago (okay, we eloped to wine country!), this party will be the most people who have ever assembled together at our request - nevermind in our home!

Twenty-nine days into a thirty-day exercise and I am astounded at all I have learned over the past month and profoundly grateful for the opportunity to thank those near and dear to us tomorrow evening.

Happy Frisbee-Aerobie-Soccer-Playing-First-Turkey-Cooking Thanksgiving - Day 28

If a picture is worth a thousand words, this will be my longest gratitude post yet.

Yesterday we enjoyed a visit from the Colorado B’s who stopped to spend a few hours with us on their whirlwind tour of California. 

This morning Grandpa T’s plane arrived early enough to get in a rousing round of Frisbee-Aerobie-Soccer, a Tinianov original!

I was fortunate to have my mom nearby for guidance while I cooked my first Thanksgiving turkey with all the trimmings. Her post-chemo hair is growing back nicely! And, if my milestone was cooking my first turkey, Brandon’s milestone was carving his first Thanksgiving turkey.

My twelve year-old asked that, in place of a grace, we go around the table stating a daily gratitude. She asked me to start and mine resembled my post from yesterday to the audience it was most appropriate for. 

We toasted health and we toasted togetherness.

Food was fabulous. Wine was delicious. Conversation was animated.

We dined outside in the incredibly warm afternoon before retiring inside so Grandpa T could walk the kids through the lighting of the menorah. 

An official Thanksgivukkah for us!                        

                    

And I have been profoundly grateful for every minute.

NOTE: If you’re late to my 30 Days of Gratitude, here is some context.

Gratitude Everlasting – Day 27

Just over nine years ago, my husband and I drove a small, silver Subaru Impreza from Littleton, Colorado into Northern California. Our vehicle was loaded with a couple suitcases full of clothing and two small children.  We didn’t stop until we hit the Pacific Ocean.

Our belongings would follow once we found a house to live in but, for eight weeks, we rented a modest two bedroom home high in the hills above San Jose and got by with very little in the way of “stuff.” Brandon went to work for a small start-up and the kids and I amused ourselves with visits to local parks, libraries and museums.

A week after arriving, Halloween was top of everyone’s mind – namely my toddlers’. We had no costumes and no familiar neighborhood friends to trick-or-treat with but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law invited us up to San Francisco to have the kids trick-or-treat with them. Their daughter was only six months old and wouldn’t care about the door-to-door adventure but they wanted my children to have a good time.

A month later we were still renting, and still without our belongings, when my sister-in-law invited us to her aunt’s home in Stockton to have Thanksgiving with their extended family. My three year old played “Grandma M’s” piano in her Cinderella princess dress and my two year old lay on the floor for hours building Thomas the Tank Engine train tracks with the cousins. Brandon and I shared good food and good wine with the adults. Following dinner Grandma M tossed all the kids into her enormous bathtub with a container of bubble bath. My children were delighted and we all felt grateful to be included as part of the family on Thanksgiving.

After another month, we had finally signed papers on a house but hadn’t yet taken possession. A cousin of my sister-in-law invited us to celebrate a gift exchange at their home in Menlo Park. We shared another evening of good food and good wine while my children received gifts from surrogate aunts, uncles and grandparents. Again, we were the strays but again, we were made to feel like a valued part of the family.

Many things have changed in the past nine years. The young children have grown older and established their own traditions; new babies have joined the family and several family members have died. The dynamic has changed and the extended family doesn’t get together nearly as often.

Tomorrow I will be hosting Thanksgiving at my home for the first time since my son was born eleven years ago. And tomorrow will mark the very first time I have cooked a turkey with all the trimmings.

As I brined the turkey, researched gluten-free stuffing recipes and mixed cranberries and oranges in the Cuisinart, I remembered how incredibly grateful I was nine years ago. We had placed ourselves in a new city, in a new state and yet we found ourselves fully embraced by relative strangers.

My mother is here visiting for two weeks. My father-in-law will fly in tomorrow morning. And I have invited my brother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece and nephew to join us for Thanksgiving dinner. After nine years, and under very different circumstances, I am profoundly grateful to have the health, the energy and the desire to host Thanksgiving dinner. 

My hope is that those who walk into my home tomorrow feel as welcome as I was made to feel nearly a decade ago.

NOTE: If you’re late to my 30 Days of Gratitude, here is some context

Imperfection Everlasting – Day 26

Tweetchats have been a unique and welcome addition to my life over the past five months. 

Cancer started it. The real time, if faceless, link with other breast cancer patients on #bcsm (breast cancer social media) felt like a lifeline in those initial months after diagnosis. Quickly I discovered the broader #hcsm (health care social media), the #DWDchat (death with dignity) and #lcsm (lung cancer social media) communities.  Through interactions on these one hour, fast and furious chat sessions, I have met some amazing people and have learned copious amounts on the relevant topics.

Chat topics vary widely depending on the community, the moderator and the audience that participates on any given day. But the mix of passion and knowledge is pure perfection and every week, I look forward to participating in the conversations.

I missed two of my favorite chats today.

On Tuesday evenings, both #tweetdiarieschat and #HCLDR unite a devoted and educated mix of health care providers, patient advocates, caregivers and patients.

Instead of joining tonight’s chats, my family, including my visiting mother, sat around the table and told humorous stories until both of my children asked about the ‘dating days’ before my husband and I were a couple. They’ve heard a few stories before but my mother lent a unique perspective.

The five of us spent two hours gathered around the dinner table and, as the conversation continued, I noticed my husband and I moved our chairs closer together. Our children laughed at some of the ‘bad date’ stories and then they asked questions about dating rules and choosing a life mate. My husband and I joined hands as we talked.

My son smiled and said, “And then you met Dad, and he was perfect.”

Complete silence.

“Riley,” I began tentatively, “If you wait for someone who is ‘perfect’ you will grow old alone. No one is perfect. Daddy was good for me. And I was good for him. Neither one of us is perfect.”

Today I am profoundly grateful that nearly 19 years ago I met the man I now call my husband. Together we epitomize the beauty of imperfection.

Counting Laps – Day 25

This afternoon we received word my uncle ‘arrested’ during his new chemo treatment today and is now on a ventilator in the ICU. A short conversation with my aunt was a frustrating exercise in trying to provide support from 3000+ miles away with only half the information. And a similar exercise has been going on for six months.

Seemingly simple questions like “What type of chemo is he on?” are met with, “I don’t know.”

Originally I made the case that stress causes temporary amnesia but, in reality, my aunt and uncle are unfamiliar with medical terminology and there really hasn’t been anyone to help get them up to speed. They are in the unenviable position of being overwhelmed and under informed.

After my mother and I discussed our respective experiences with oncologists, radiologists and surgeons, I felt certain that my gratitude today would be focused on my ability to gain, retain and process medical knowledge – my own as well as that of my children and my parents.

Then I picked my son up from school.

Newly eleven, tall and lanky, he enjoys running almost as much as he enjoys making jokes.

He needed to time himself in a quarter mile run and asked if I would walk him over to the local track. With his new watch securely tethered to his wrist, he engaged the stopwatch feature and took off in a sprint. Halfway around the track, he was still going strong with light footfalls and a smile plastered on his face.

He finished the quarter mile in 1:24. 

When we returned home he asked me to count his push-ups, sit ups and pull-ups. I did and, while his form was at times comical, his body seemed almost indefatigable and his breathing was always controlled.

While my son and I counted laps and calisthenics, my daughter was hanging by her hands and feet on a fake rock, at times 10-12 feet off the ground. She competes at the regional level in a USAClimbing event two weeks from yesterday.

As night falls, I know my uncle is breathing only with the help of a machine. And that makes me sad and very angry at a disease that claims approximately 160,000 people a year. 

The dichotomy between imagining my uncle's assisted breathing and watching my own children play and compete with healthy lungs simplifies and clarifies my perspective. 

Both of my children are active, healthy and strong. And for that, I am mindfully, profoundly and perpetually grateful.

Sixty Minutes of Forever – Day 24

We grabbed an extra chair from the office and five of us sat around the dinner table tonight.

We chatted about the day’s events even though we spent most of it in each other’s company. We bantered about current events, to the extent that an eleven year old and twelve year old can tolerate and engage in the discussion. There was good natured teasing and, because my mother occupied the additional seat at the head of the table, there were hilarious, if mildly inappropriate, tales from my childhood.

The food was nothing special (it was a ‘clean out the fridge night) and the wine only cost $6 a bottle.

But the stories and the laughter were priceless.

We spent an hour focused only on each other and I am profoundly grateful for those 60 minutes in-the-moment together. Those exact minutes will never come this way again but the memories are forever. 

Drop the Rock, Lean into the Embrace – Day 23

Sometimes, even on a beautiful sunny autumn day, my mind gets bent around the past (or hyper focuses on the future) and forgets to stay in the moment. On these days, I can over think sound decisions and attempt to rationalize relevant emotions out of existence.

After months of thought, I have elected to have reconstructive surgery. Today I questioned the impact more surgeries will have on my family and the choice seemed selfish and vain. I would love to be content with health, yet I am desperately missing symmetry.

I became caught in a vortex of raw emotion and intellectual rationalization.

And it spun me silly today.

And on days like this - days like today - I am profoundly grateful for my husband’s arms to melt into and the restorative kiss he plants on the side of my head as he whispers, “Stace, you need to drop that rock and give yourself a break.”