Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Just thinking..

Two years.
It's been two years since I even looked at this blog nevermind created a post for it.

Not much has changed on the surface. Still a mom, still a working mom, still a working mom struggling to find balance in her life.

And still addicted to coffee.

And yet, on some levels, everything has changed.

I spend a tremendous amount of time trying to find beauty in goodness in the world and, lately, it's been easier.

I was sick, very sick for a year. But I'm better now.
Turns out gluten does bad things to my body. Really bad things like perpetual vomiting, bloody stools and extreme weight loss. The good news is that, on the right foods, all is good. The bad news revolves not around a bread-free life but the fact that my running really took a hit. And when the running went away, it took a big piece of my sense of a strong, capable self with it.

And I was sad. Sad and miserable. Not outwardly but deep inside.

Even after the diet was under control, I still felt weak and unable to gain weight. Still couldn't get a handle on the running again. No endurance and very little physical drive.

But I took a trip. It was a work trip and it was two weeks ago. It changed me in all ways good. Going into detail around all the goodness would require a full-on novel but, in the end, I've decided to rally against the fragility I've felt for awhile. I'm running again.

Of course I'm starting out in moderation. Five miles, five miles and five miles! Fifteen miles in one week. Feels moderate. Actually it feels incredible. And I want to hug the world and the handful of people that have helped me feel confident and strong enough to do it.

And you know what? Everything is still not perfect. But I am happy. I'm falling in love everyday. With my family, with my friends, with a flower, with an idea, whatever. Every single day there is something to love.

Like I said, I spend a tremendous amount of time trying to find beauty in goodness in the world and, lately, it's been easier... even when my coffee mug is completely empty!


Snuggling with my almost nine year old this evening, the conversation went from school activities to friends to... evolution.

Son: (Playing with my fingers, twisting my rings) "I KNEW it!"

Me: "Knew what?"

Son: "I always thought we evolved from birds. Now I have proof!"

Me: "What?"

Son: (spreading my ring and middle finger apart and grabbing the area in between) "Look at this mom! Webbing. It's webbing. You evolved from a duck."

Me: "Quack"