Gratitude Everlasting – Day 5

If you read my daily gratitude for Day 4, you can probably imagine I went to bed in fleece jammies last night.

Snug under the covers, I reached for the current book on my bedside table The Journal Of Best Practices – A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband

The book resonates with me on so many levels:

• I used to be a special education teacher and worked with many children who had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and/or were on the autistic spectrum;
• I live and work in Silicon Valley where Asperger’s Syndrome is not necessarily a disability but simply an uber prevalent reality;
• I am married with two young children and David Finch’s stories about love, marriage and family are outlandishly humorous and painfully honest.

But it could have been any book. I simply enjoy the written word.

Day 5 – November 5 – I am mindfully grateful for books.

Non-electronic, printed, paper-filled, with or without pictures, BOOKS.

I am not an eBook fan and I’m not a Kindle or Nook user.

I like the weight of a book. I love the smell of a book.

I marvel at the multitude of text fonts, illustrations and photos that can only be captured in a book. I relish reading the front cover for a sneak peak of what lay beyond. I enjoy reading the back cover to get an inside look into the mind(s) behind the words.

As I child, I enjoyed reading scary books and being so afraid, I would only tentatively touch the corners of the pages to turn them, lest something frightening jump off the page at me.

Sad stories (or emotionally happy ones) end up tear-stained and my "most favoritest" books end up with pencil lines and comments in the margins.

There are boxes of books read to me as a child by my parents and there are boxes of books I read to my children when they were younger. The covers are worn but the stories remain intact. And just seeing the book I’ll Love You Forever takes me back in time to two children in diapers, piles of spit-up covered laundry and naptimes!

Beyond the sentimental, books are a gateway to learning and a catalyst for conversation. Pick up the book, digest it and then talk about the content with another.

Books are definitely best when shared.

An accompanying gratitude would obviously be my ability to read these books or the author’s willingness to share, but today I am simply grateful for the bound pages themselves.

NOTE: If you'd like to spend the month in a similar state of gratitude, you can play along with me here in the comments section or check out KindSpring.org to sign up for their 21-day Challenge that begins on November 7^th!

                                                                                                   

Gratitude Everlasting – Day 4

My children would like me to be grateful for our home’s central heating today.

And then they’d like me to turn it on.

It is autumn and the air is indeed brisk. Typical November weather would also have us bathed in rain by now but the sun is shining bright and the irrigation system is still running strong.

Which means my garden is still in full bloom.

Day 4 – November 4^th – Today I am mindfully & profoundly grateful for my garden.

Gardening has always been more than a hobby. Gardening has been my meditation. I can lose myself for hours sowing seeds, pruning trees, harvesting carrots and even picking weeds. I swell with humble pride feeding my small family the literal fruits of my outdoor labor.

The birth, life and eventual death of a plant is amazing to watch and even more incredible to facilitate. And the lifecycle of gardening is enormous when you consider edibles become energy and mass in living beings. 

My son, for instance, is probably 50% Fuji apple, 40% Nantes carrot and perhaps 10% bacon. Oh the energy those apples and carrots put out!

Sadly autumn means the end of a fruitful garden in many of the places I’ve lived.

But not in California.

My snap peas enjoy the cooler temperatures and have entwined themselves around the same cages that supported tomato plants only weeks prior. My citrus trees are pregnant with oranges, lemons and kumquats, brightening as the days grow darker.

But it is my grape arbors that epitomize the transition of the season. Vibrant green leaves have browned yet the fruit remains, getting sweeter as the days go on. (I believe there’s an easy metaphor in there for anyone that’s interested.)

So the kids shiver in their fleece jammies* at the breakfast table, hoping today is the day I can be grateful for the modern convenience of central heating.

I consider the request. After all, it is November 4^th

Smiling kindly, I kiss them gently and say, “Put a sweatshirt on!” before heading out to the garden.

NOTE: If you'd like to spend the month in a similar state of gratitude, you can play along with me here in the comments section or check out KindSpring.org to sign up for their 21-day Challenge that begins on November 7^th!

*No children, pets or adults have been harmed in the writing of this post. It actually hasn’t dipped below 59 degrees inside the house yet and they do have plenty of warm clothes and blankets. Oh! And I HAVE finally agreed to shut the windows at night.

Gratitude Everlasting – Day 3

Music.

Day 3 – November 3^rd - Today I am profoundly grateful for music in my life.

Last night I was transported back through the decades, reintroduced to the present and kicked back to the last century again and again on the dance floor. Singing and dancing to songs from college, high school and even songs I only remember hearing in the backseat of my parent’s car (on cross-country family road trips that ended when I turned 10) wasn’t just social and memory-provoking; it was fun!

At the end of the evening, which was no doubt short in comparison to some of the other dancers out there, my feet were sore but it was my face that hurt from laughing so hard and so often.

Music, whether listened to, played or danced to, has the ability to transport us, through memories, to another place and time; transform our emotions and state of mind by calming, focusing and/or energizing and, in my opinion music can heal our minds so our bodies can heal themselves.

This is not the part where I say something silly like “Music Cures Cancer.” Namely because I don’t believe that is true. But I do believe in the power of positive thinking and I do believe in the old adage Mind Over Matter.

On morning of June 17^th, my husband and I watched the sun come up in the parking lot of Kaiser Permanente, from the front seat of our car. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I considered the surgery and ensuing questions that still hadn’t been answered.

And we listened to Jason Mraz’s 93 Million Miles.

“Son sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part.

Just know, you’re never alone, you can always come back home."

I remember all those swirling fears finally settled in my head, and I thought ‘Just This’.

“93 million miles from the Sun, people get ready, get ready,

'cause here it comes it’s a light, a beautiful light, over the horizon into our eyes…”

Every time I hear that song, I am transported back to that moment. And I am grateful. For a successful surgery, for a best-case treatment scenario and for my husband’s hand to hold.

Beyond popular culture and incredible lyrics, there is the actual playing of instruments.

“Music is another language,” I explain to my children as they sometimes frustratingly struggle to learn to play clarinet and saxophone.

I played the clarinet. Not really well but I played through high school where I met the people who became most influential in my young life – my best friends. Music wasn’t always our focus but music is the excuse that brought us together originally and facilitated our interactions day in and day out. Music is not the reason I have kept in touch with these individuals (since my clarinet retired the day I graduated from high school) but music helps me remember the fun we had and often a rousing John Phillips Sousa tune or an incredible DCI video, triggers an email or phone call.  

So today I am grateful for music that can be played, sung to, danced to, cried to or simply enjoyed.

 NOTE: If you'd like to spend the month in a similar state of gratitude, you can play along with me here in the comments section or check out KindSpring.org to sign up for their 21-day Challenge that begins next week!

Gratitude Everlasting – Day 2

So Day 2 is a bit more challenging.

Not because I’m not grateful for a multitude of people and things today but because I simply am overwhelmed at all I have to be grateful for now that I’m spending some time really thinking about it.

On any given day, I could easily say I was grateful for family, health, friends, shelter, food and each of those would be true but they would also be vague. And, for the next month, I’d like to be specific and mindfully grateful.

So after mulling over the plethora of wonderful things in my life, I have decided that today I am mindfully grateful that I have access to quality health care.

Day 2 - November 2nd - I am grateful for my access to quality health care.

(And my access to quality health care is predicated by health insurance coverage.)

Six months ago, health insurance or the care that was available with it would not have seemed like a very big deal. I didn’t go to the doctor very often.

All that changed here and with the surgeries, doctor visits and medications I’ve had lately and will continue to require, health insurance has been critical to receiving quality care without annihilating our retirement savings and children’s college funds.

Yesterday my gratitude for clean water seemed like something most individuals in first world countries could be grateful for but health care is still a concern for many people globally. We have countries still struggling to make vaccines widely available to their populations.

So today I am profoundly grateful for the availability of, and my access to, a few kick a$$ doctors and medications!

To better understand the reality for those who are unable to be grateful for access to health care, read on:

United States:

http://kff.org/uninsured/fact-sheet/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/

http://www.pbs.org/healthcarecrisis/uninsured.html

Latin America:

http://www.worldbank.org/en/news/feature/2013/09/11/mother-child-healthcare-inequalities-latin-america

Africa:

http://thinkafricapress.com/health/african-healthcare-desperately-needs-shot-arm

NOTE: If you'd like to spend the month in a similar state of gratitude, you can play along with me here in the comments section or check out KindSpring.org to sign up for their 21-day Challenge that begins next week!

Gratitude Everlasting - Day 1

On November 7^th, Kind Spring (@Kind_Spring) kicks off another 21-day Gratitude Challenge. I accepted the challenge and signed up a few days ago to commemorate the five-month anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. And yet, when the sun rose this morning, and I began to think about the plethora of people and things in my life that I am grateful for, I decided I needed more than 21 days to celebrate them.

Nearly simultaneously, I realized that the end of the month of November would mark the six-month anniversary of my cancer diagnosis and recognized that my physical and emotional return from that mind-blowing, soul-crushing afternoon at the end of May is what I am most grateful for every day I open my eyes.

So my 21-day challenge has just expanded and my new commitment is to be mindfully grateful every day of this month. All of the goodness will culminate in a Thank You party on November 30^th for all of you who have loved and supported me and my family over the past few months in our biggest time of need. (Consider this post a save-the-date, evites to follow to those I have email addresses for so send me yours or stay tuned for more information!)

Since thirty days of gratitude and a big party at the end of the month could be considered a no-brainer for most of us living in a first world country, I’ve upped the ante for myself by requiring a blog post (written daily) on the object of my gratitude. This will indeed be the CHALLENGE part - daily documentation.

And so we begin.

Day 1 – November 1^st - Today I am grateful for clean water.

I am profoundly grateful for access to clean water for myself and my family.

We have unlimited access to clean water for drinking, for showering, for cooking, for gardening and for washing when, according to CharityWater.org, 800 million people do not even have access to clean drinking water. I also have access to the ultimate luxury of clean, hot water for showering, which I truly consider a stepping stone to a achieving a state of nirvana.

I am grateful.

If you'd like to help others find gratitude in the same seemingly mundane activity of drinking clean water, consider checking out and supporting the following organizations:

www.CharityWater.org
WADI: by Helioz
UNICEF water & sanitation program
TheWaterProject.org

NOTE: If you'd like to spend the month in a state of gratitude, you can play along with me here in the comments section or check out KindSpring.org to sign up for their 21-day Challenge.

Pinkwashing is the new Greenwashing - but it’s not just a Color Thing

Pink has never been my favorite color but every October, for the last 20 years, I’ve donned a pink ribbon is support of breast cancer awareness.  Every single year. At first I made them, with a strip of pink paper ribbon and a safety pin. When I got my first ‘real job’, I graduated to cloth ribbon and a dollop of hot glue. Finally, as part of an October distribution at a local mall in Colorado, I was given a metal one. I have worn it faithfully every October since.

But something is decidedly different this October. This October, pin or no pin, I couldn’t be any more aware.

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2013 at the age of 63. And one month after my 40^th birthday, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of 2013.

That pink ribbon didn’t prevent my mother’s cancer. That pink ribbon didn’t prevent my cancer. That pink ribbon didn’t save my breast or my my mother’s hair and, based on current treatment, that pink ribbon won’t cure me, my mother, or anyone else.

My surgeon cut out the cancer along with my left breast and I will pop a Tamoxifen pill for the next five years, focus on the positive, cross my fingers and hope it doesn’t come back.

The harsh reality is THERE IS NO CURE.

Yet.

To be fair to the ribbon, those dollars I have faithfully donated to breast cancer research; my organic, gluten-free, dairy free diet; marathon running; triathlons – and nothing else on the list of 'good living' - saved me from hearing the words, “You have breast cancer” either. But the ribbon is marketed, at least in the month of October, as the solution.

And just like that, thousands of other breast cancer patients/survivors/previvors/warriors ,and their families, find themselves in a similar predicament. Pink or no pink, we are aware but we are not cured and our children are not immune. 

We want to change that.

Approximately 232,340 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed in women this year* and breast cancer will kill approximately 39,620 womenthis year.  Even the ones wearing pink.

So, in much the same way the sustainability community rages about green washing, the breast cancer community has reached its own tipping point with the color pink.

Please understand that I am eternally grateful for the pink ribbon. I believe that awareness truly generates interest and that interest spurs research. According to the American Cancer Society, “female breast cancer incidence rates began decreasing in 2000, then dropped by about 7% from 2002 to 2003. This large decrease was thought to be due to the decline in use of hormone therapy after menopause that occurred after the results of the Women's Health Initiative were published in 2002. This study linked the use of hormone therapy to an increased risk of breast cancer and heart diseases.” 

By comparison, lungcancer kills more women every year. Why? Perhaps because the color pearl doesn’t generate as much attention as pink**

Pink is important. Pink is critical. There are others affected by cancers desperate for the focus and attention that breast cancer has received with the color pink.

Gaudy or subtle the color pink has generated funds for research, for mammograms, for support care. Pink ribbons are also a tangible way for my family and friends, who at times feel helpless in this cancer fiasco, to show support.

Unfortunately, pink has also generated millions of dollars for companies that do NOTHING to support the eradication of breast cancer. Companies whose products may even be part of the problem!

Breast Cancer Action  coined the term pinkwashing as part of their Think Before You Pink® campaign. They go on to define a Pinkwasher as “A company or organization that claims to care about breast cancer by promoting a pink ribbon product, but at the same time produces, manufactures and/or sells products that are linked to the disease.” Please visit their site, be astounded at who is profiting off of a disease that has permanently scarred (mentally and physically) the 2.8 million survivors currently living today. And that will kill almost 40,000 this year alone.

And then do something about it.

Will I wear my pink ribbon pin this year? You bet your Aromatase inhibitor.*** In fact, this year mine is made of pink rhinestones. But I will also unabashedly question those selling pink awareness products to ensure there are real dollars that will go to support a REAL cure.

*This figure does NOT include the number of new pre-cancerous diagnosis or breast cancer diagnosis in men

** Check out @LungCancerFaces and #lcsm on Twitter for more on the reality of lung cancer
*** Aromatase inhibitors include a group of drugs used in the treatment of breast cancer in post-menopausal women.

Three Months Ago

Three months ago, I sat in the car holding hands with my husband.

We watched the sun come up to Jason Mraz’s “93 Million Miles” and tears rolled down my cheeks. When the song ended, I took a deep breath and we walked hand in hand through the automatic doors of Kaiser Hospital in Santa Clara.

Within six hours, I would be under anesthesia for a mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy.

Within twenty-four hours, I would be wrapped like a mummy, pacing the hallways with my IV pole, eager to leave the hospital but stuck for another day while doctors kept a watchful eye on a seroma that had formed below my incision.

Before the end of the week, I would be made aware that cancer cells had spread from my left breast to the sentinel lymph node and that chemotherapy was a very real possibility.

During those first few days, food, flowers and friends flowed into the house constantly.

Over the next month, our entire family was cradled within a web of support from a community that was so much broader and deeper than I could have ever imagined.

Three months later, I have full range of motion in my arm and chest. I can run, swim, cycle, hike, rock climb and garden.

My treatment now consists of a daily dose of Tamoxifen which brings my chances of recurrence over the next 5 years from just over 15% to just under 10%.

Cancer is not a gift.

Cancer is scary and horrible and nasty for not only what it and ensuing treatment does to an individual’s body, but also what it does to someone’s peace of mind. Cancer is not a gift but the diagnosis, the surgery and the treatments can and have polarized my perspective.

I am not lucky to have had “made it through cancer” but I am eternally grateful for the support I have received while undergoing treatment and recovering.

I am not suddenly ‘wise’ after having “made it through cancer” but I certainly have my moments of clarity remembering that sweating the small stuff, in the end, is an exercise in futility.

I am not the epitome of bravery for having tried to keep a smile on my face during the most difficult days but I certainly felt like a rockstar for not actually melting into a puddle of tears on many occasions over the past three months.

Three months.

And I am physically healed, permanently scarred and genuinely grateful.