Although counterintuitive to some, I find expressions of
gratitude flow much more easily in the difficult times. When everything else is
falling apart, the one or two positive outliers shine like beacons begging me
to hold tight in gratitude. My mind gravitates toward focusing on and absorbing
this recessive positivity and allows the ugly reality of whatever else is going
on, to fade into the background. At a very basic level, I believe this is the
epitome of mind over matter and, honestly, how I’ve gotten through many uncomfortable
times.
The beacon in a long race is the image of the finish line
and the sense of accomplishment I know I will have when I finish the run. The
beacon at the bottom of a steep hill is the view at the top I am sure to
relish.
If there is no available beacon, I will employ a challenge
to act as a beacon. The challenge the day after a mastectomy was a 10K walk one week post-op. The challenge hatched for after my second mastectomy and bilateral
reconstruction was a very slow half-marathon.
Indeed there are a variety of tactics I employ to focus my
thoughts in times of crisis and most of them involve a mind over matter bent. But earlier this week, I participated in an
exercise with my fellow cancer coaches that demonstrated just how uplifting
focusing on the good can be even when the baseline is pretty groovy already.
I feel the need to share.
Tools:
- A timer
- A buddy
Time: less than 5 minutes
How to: You have exactly two minutes to, in stream of
consciousness form, articulate what you are grateful for. Your buddy will stop
you (mid-sentence even!) at the end of those two minutes. And you will share
the word that best describes your state of emotional being at that time.
And then you switch.
I was fortunate to ‘play’ this game with three other
phenomenal people and just listening to their gratitude was uplifting. What
each of us takes for granted on a daily basis is somewhat mind-numbing. Hearing
their gratitude was a gentle, non-accusatory reminder for me that simple the act
of being able to enjoy a meal is a gift.
A comfortable home. Financial
stability. Truly these things are realities we often assume into the fabric of our
day to day. I am not ungrateful for them but I am not regularly or overtly appreciative.
Parents
who are living and of sound mind. Good friends and the promise of camping for Thanksgiving.
The steady rainfall. Again, my realities that, once spoken seemed to take on a
bigger life and space of their own.
The love and support of a spouse and the
laughter and joy of healthy children is a total and utter bonus.
In the weeks before this exercise, my health was good and my
personal and professional life enriching. Yet I had fallen somewhat into the
doldrums and was seeking the new-new thing. A race? A vacation? A new
adventure?
In two minutes, without changing a thing, I found new perspective.
My word, at the end of the exercise, was Uplifted.
If I had
used several words one surely would have been “eye-opened” too.
I won’t stay here. I know I’ll get absorbed back into the
go-go-go and do-do-do. But I have a tool to leverage any time I need a boost. And now you do too!
If you do try this activity with your friends, spouse,
children, co-workers, please let me know how it works for you!
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